A Wish to Start a New Life

Wishing to start a new life. Letting go the past and releasing all the inconvenient feelings. Focus on the future. It was not an easy thing to be until who I am today. That I think I am stronger and more confident to stand. Moreover, I feel like I don't need to go to psychologist as I believe, I have resolved it by myself.

However, I never know that all of those preparations to be new, it turns out not real. The symptoms reappeared. I was triggered again to recall the annoying memories. I though I have erased those. Who knows I would feel the same annoying feelings again. 

I have worked hard to be healed by my own self. In fact, I wasn't really fully recovered. I just buried those memories, and anytime I dig it again, the same feeling will appear. If I am healed, I should not feel the same things again. Unfortunate me, I still feel the same. It means that I wasn't successful.

It was not a stress, it has raised into depression. Because, the symptoms are lethargic, no energy, pain, sad, and no motivation in long period of time. The worse symptoms that I hate are feeling tremor, hot sensation on my back, strong headache, anxious and arrhythmia. I am already tired of these things. I really want to be free from those symptoms and have a truly new life. 

Just know from this article, depression if not resolved, can further reduce the brain capacity and increase the risk of Alzheimer and stroke. Honestly I am afraid of these. Hence, I guess, before it gets worse, I need to see professional, I was too arrogant to handle it by myself, just because I have experienced the similar case a year ago, so I thought I knew how to resolve it, yet it turned out to be different, so probably, different treatment will be required. Wish me luck in this life and successful to start a new life!